This is what comes of a live Discordia. This is why Discordia should be dead.

"I take it that there was more to say, other than what you wrote in my note. I won't even make you say the rest of it to my face, just say it here."

I honestly didn't mean anything harsh, sarcastic, or anything else by it. I just have this thing where, if you leave something out, and I realize this, then my curiosity must know. I also realized that it probably wasn't easy to say it to my face, so I decided not to demand that (as it seems I've grown a rather strange aversion to talking personally through the web if it can be helped).

I wanted all the bare facts of it before I made any kind of response.

(and I got plenty).

"It's not that I don't want you to know him at some point..."

"...You just don't want me to right now"

"Something like that"

That's not really it either.

I just don't really know what I want right now.

I haven't figured all that out. I had hoped by the time I was ready to share this, that I would have everything figured out and under some kind of control.

I really don't know how to go about all this. I don't know what I'm doing. I hate it.

I keep making her cry. There is nothing more condemning than that.

I do know that while I'm unsure, I don't want to be bombarded with everyone else's doubts and worries and questions. I have too many of my own, and they are enough to kill me, literally. I don't think I can survive everyone else's too.

I know that until I was sure of something, I just wanted everyone to leave me alone.

I know that isn't possible now, and I know I have to make the best of the things the way they are.

While I'm somewhat relieve, although I have no right to be, the thing that I had kept locked under safeguard is now devouring my insides with no remorse.

hail the wretch Discordia.